How to make bread if you’ve given up on life

so you’ve hit rock bottom and decidedit’s time to start baking bread sohere’s what you’ll need flour sugar saltwater active dry yeast plastic wrapparchment paper and a big bowl two pansnot one pan you need two pans and a nicecold beer this isn’t for the bread thisis for the pain you’ll want to start bywarming up your water it doesn’t matterhow you warm it up i warm it up in themicrowave because I’ve lost all hopeafter it’s nice and warm but not hotpour it into the big bowl then mix inyour yeast your salt and your sugar thenmix it all together and leave it alonefor at least five minutes or just longenough for you to start reconsideringyour actions then slowly mix in yourflour using something stronger than yourwhisk realize that doesn’t work verywell so you go back to your whisk thenit gets too hard to whisk go back towhat you’re using before at this pointit’ll get pretty hard to do so you’llstart to consider buying a stand mixerdon’t do that because once you’re backin a better mental state it’ll just takeup a bunch of space on your counter thatyou’d want to use for other things it’sokay to add a little bit of waterbecause laws don’t matter anymore andyou want to make it easier to mix afterit becomes like a sticky dough ballyou’ll want to move it over to adifferent surface that you cleanedbeforehand so you don’t get any dirtylittle germs and generously flour yoursurface the dough doesn’t stick to thetable and then knead it until you don’tneed to anymore then shape the doughinto a ball and clean out that bowl usedearlier to you realized you only own onebowl then coat the bowl in a tiny bit ofolive oil so the dough doesn’t stick tothe bowl put the dough in the bowl coverthe dough in oil and then cover it withplastic wrap then put the doughsomewhere you won’t mess with it likethe inside of the microwave or in theturned off oven or in the window oroutside or above the piano and you canplay it a nice song but just leave itsomewhere until it’s doubled in size oruntil you’re done having a mentalbreakdown in the corner then preheat theoven to 400 degrees then fill one of thepans with two cups of water and makesure to spill most of it when you try toput it in the oven then free your doughand punch it like that girl who punchedme in the face in middle school cut thedough into two pieces using acutter or knife or if you don’t haveeither of those a common household swordis okay then shape the dough recklesslyturning it into what might be considereda rectangle or mix it up a little bit inshape one into a really sad circle thenequally distribute some flour on top ofthe loaves like the good comrade you areand leave it alone for five minutes andslash the tops the loaves of breadbefore giving them little brushy-brushof cold water then throw them in theoven for about 35 minutes give or takebut set an alarm so you don’t forgettake this time to sit down in front ofthe oven and see you reflection and lookat the sad shell of your former selfthat you have become alright times uptime to see what you’ve created herecomes the moment of truthoh they’re ugly take these abominationsand put them on a wire rack to cool offknock knock who’s thereoh it’s failure now take the time tolook over and examine your lows noticeevery ugly blemish and malfunction thatyou took along the way and realize it’sfull of ugly little insecurities justlike you but it wouldn’t be a bakingvideo without a cross-section so cut itopen and take a look inside if PaulHollywood saw this he would immediatelykick my ass and stab me with the swordbut let’s give it a taste test becausewhy not and it doesn’t taste bad justtastes like bread nothing special aboutit except it was really really hot andeven though it was pretty disappointingundercooked I couldn’t stop eating itand I found out it’s the perfect thingto eat when you cry because not only isit all carbs it’s great for drying upyour tears which gives it some nicesaltiness and flavor now let’s get ridof this dense chunk of disappointment bythrowing it directly at the neighborsannoying kid now let’s act like thisnever happened and go back to my roomand we’re back what’s up guys I amgreeting you even though it’s the end ofthe video do you guys ever feel likeyou’re at a moment in your life whereyou want to start making bread and youthink there are no other options go totherapy get helpdon’t trash your kitchen just to make adepressing loaf of bread make otherthings there are better things to bringmake some cookies cookies will make youfeel better don’t bake bread you’reworth more than that but yeah thank youguys for watching if you enjoyed thisvideo like this video if you want to seemore of me and you liked seeing my faceyou want more videos from me subscribeto my channel and turn the notificationson so you get to see me every week orwhenever I post videos because obviouslyI have a lot of free time now and so doyou guys you have more time to watch myvideos but yeah stay clean stay healthysee you guys next time next week whoknows but see in the future